This week we move from talking about anger in general to examining anger on a personal level. We are going to see what we look like when we explode and what damage it creates. We will discuss the three masks of anger and discover which mask we tend to wear.
A volcano, in essence, is a natural thing that explodes under pressure. And that’s exactly what can happen to us when motherhood gets to be just too much for us. In an instant, we can change from the peaceful, nourishing women we want to be into Mount Momma – spitting fire and brimstone at all who cross our path.
There are four common types of volcanic eruptions in angry moms:
The Strombolian:
Short eruptions at fairly predictable intervals that seem to blow over with little residual damage. Verbal cinders of sarcasm (Yeah right, Einstein!) smolder in our children’s hearts and cinders of regret (longing to take back words and thoughts) sear our conscience. You regularly don’t laugh, relax or enjoy your children. Small eruption after small eruption results in cumulative damage. Small eruptions and cinder damage can eventually bring about as much damage as any other kind of eruption.
The Hawaiian:
Lakes and rivers of constantly boiling lava seething away in its crater, doing little damage. Sooner or later it boils up in the crater and overflows the sides, or it breaks through cracks and fissures and starts flowing out. You have chronic, simmering anger and aren’t really the explosive type. You don’t think of yourself as an angry person. However, there is a lot of turmoil bubbling inside of you all the time.
But if you simmer and seethe long enough, even though you may avoid a violent explosion, sooner or later the anger and negativity is going to break out and the resulting damage may be all the greater because your anger doesn’t seem all that dangerous on the surface. The lava flow is mostly verbal – caustic criticism, negative assessments, unfavorable comparisons, sarcastic barbs, teasing that carries an edge or pessimistic pronouncements about life in general. These are all forms of spoken terrorism that scorch and burn our children. The most marked characteristics of The Hawaiian is that they often mask themselves as innocent remarks and actions and they can go on for a long time.
The Vulcanian:
Seethes with pent-up molton rock, then expels blobs of viscous magma in a huge explosion. The explosion is loud, scary and dangerous, violently ejecting solid fragments that are hot and deadly, and poisonous gases. You produce shrapnel – verbal, physical and emotional – that can shred the spirits of your children and the safety of your home.
You may throw things or use poisonous words and actions (insults, accusations, slaps and shakes). The wrath is unpredictable and doesn’t pass quickly, but can be sustained for days on end, usually aimed at a particular child. The distinguishing characteristics are the “don’t want to stop” level of emotion and becoming engaged in willful, increasingly harder-to-stop behavior.
The Plinian:
The most violent and unmistakable of all explosions. Everything about it is big and bad. The distinguishing characteristic is the sheer volume of material ejected by the eruption and the sheer power of the explosion that throws it out. It wreaks terrible havoc upon yourself, your children and your relationships.
This type of extreme, explosive anger, though it might erupt infrequently, can easily destroy everything you hold dear. This is an angry explosion that causes your children to hide from you or leave the house, leaves you hoarse from screaming, results in physical abuse or verbal lashings that later wither your heart and makes you wonder what kind of monster you’ve become.
